Truly Grin, Snort and Bear It

They say life tends to balance out, but some days can really seem to take the wind out of your sails. If you find yourself stressed out or taking life way to seriously, a good laugh can make all the difference so read on my friend.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla. - Mitch Ratcliffe

For the man who has everything... Penicillin. - F. Borquin

Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson

Inside every older person is a younger person - wondering what the hell happened. - Cora Harvey Armstrong

Only two things are necessary to keep ones wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it. - Lyndon B. Johnson

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. - Dennis Miller

A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah. - Ronald Reagan

The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public. - Phyllis Diller

I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix. - Dan Quayle

My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker. - Dan Rather

Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed. - Albert Einstein

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. - Bill Cosby

Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos. - Homer J Simpson

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. - Paul Erlich

Irish Coffee is the perfect breakfast because it contains all four adult food groups: fat, sugar, caffeine and alcohol. - Anonymous

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Aazdak Alisimo likes a good laugh just like anyone else, particularly funny quotes updated each and every day at FunnyQuotesDaily.com.

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