Self-Confidence: How Can I Get It?

Self-confidence is a demeanor that is learned through experiences. When a person experiences success, that person will tend to expect to be successful. And that expectation will cause a feeling of confidence.

For example: A young man wants to be a prizefighter, so he gets a manager and a trainer. His manager will not setup a bout for him until he has built up enough skill and stamina. And even then, the manager will only put him up against a competitor that he knows his fighter can hammer. When his fighter beats the rival, he is successful, and starts to gain a feeling of confidence in his capabilities.

With each fight, the manager puts his fighter up against a competitor who is only a little bit better of a rival then the last, but not good enough to beat his man. By the end of the third fight, the young competitor begins to expect to win his fourth, and so his confidence continues to grow. This series of events continues to repeat itself. And as long as the competitor is victorious, his expectations of success, and his feelings of self-confidence will continue to grow.

If a person who has a long history of success and feelings of self-confidence does fail, they still tend to expect success the next time out. Conversely, when a person who is weak in the self-confidence department fails, they tend to lose confidence, and begin to expect failure, which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Even if an individual has true self-confidence, it doesn't mean that they will be successful at everything. Most people who have true self-confidence have realistic expectations. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.

People, who are not self-confident, tend to lean disproportionately on the approval of others in order to feel self-esteem. They avoid risks because of the fear of failure. They often put themselves down and tend to discount or ignore compliments that they do receive.

On the other side of the coin, self-confident people are willing take a chance on disappointing others because they generally have confidence in their own skill. A person can have plenty of abilities, but still lack self-confidence. A lack of confidence is often the result of focusing too strongly on the unreal expectancies of other people, especially parents and friends. The importance of friends can be more powerful than those of parents in shaping the feelings about one's self.

Assumptions That Continue to Influence Self-Confidence

In response to external influences, people create assumptions; some of these are good, and some are bad. Several assumptions that can interfere with confidence and alternate ways of thinking are:

ASSUMPTION: It's important that I'm successful at every challenge that I undertake. This is unrealistic. In life, everyone has his/her strengths and weaknesses. While it's important to do the best that you can, it's more important to learn to accept the self as being human, and fallible. Feel good about what you are good at, and accept the fact that no person knows everything nor are they an expert at everything.

ASSUMPTION: I must be perfect, and loved by everyone, and satisfy everyone. Again, this is unrealistic. All human beings are less than perfect. It's better to develop personal standards and values that are not completely dependent on the approval of others.

ASSUMPTION: Everything that happened to me in the past remains in control of my feelings and behaviors in the present.

ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially controlled by external influences during your childhood, as you mature, you can gain appreciation and outlook on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don't have to be helpless in the face of past events.

HERE ARE SOME STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING CONFIDENCE

Emphasize Your Strengths. Bestow upon yourself credit for everything you can do. And give yourself recognition for every new experience that you are willing to test.

Take risks. Adopt the frame of mind of: I never fail, because there are NO failures. However, sometimes I find out what does not work, and once I've learned what doesn't work in a given situation, I can try some other action.

Use Self-Talk: Talk to yourself in positive terms to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to stop. Substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting perfection, remind yourself that no one can do everything perfectly, and that it's only possible to do things to the best of your ability. This allows you to accept yourself while still working towards improvement.

Make mental movies: Visualize yourself in the various scenarios that you currently lack confidence in. But see yourself behaving as like a person who has tremendous self-confidence would. There are many effective Hypnosis and NLP methods that are effective and will instill a huge amount of self-confidence from within your unconscious mind. There are even NLP techniques that will let you take confidence that you do have in areas of your life, and then transplant that confidence to areas of your life that are lacking confidence!

Self-Evaluate: Learn to adjudge yourself independently. Circumvent the frequent sense of chaos that comes from relying on other people's opinion.

Article Source: http://www.rightarticle.com

Alan B. Densky, CH is a certified hypnotherapist and NLP Practitioner. His website offers self hypnosis CD's for self-confidence. His Self-confidence CD's were reviewed by Personal-Development info in England. Visit him for Free hypnosis & NLP newsletters and MP3s.

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